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These thoughts are self-help and self-hypnosis suggestions for general situations, or for fun, and are not intended to resolve long-term or complex personal problems. If you are able to experience a change based on the suggestions, you are able to manipulate your internal experience with little assistance. If you try the process and find it hard to do, there is nothing wrong with your or the process. It could simply mean that you need someone else to help guide you. If you have any questions or want more information about hypnosis, email Karen Schwarz at trance@twcny.rr.com.
These "thoughts" are sent to people on a Trance-Formative Services email list. If you prefer to get these free tips directly, please click on this email address - trance@twcny.rr.com - and type "sign me up" in the subject line. Your name will be added to the list. They are sent out around the 10th of each month.
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Thought for January
Judging Others
"All we see of someone at any moment is a snapshot of their life, there in riches or poverty, in joy or despair. Snapshots don't show the million decisions that led to that moment.” -- Richard Bach
How often do you find yourselves negatively judging others? It’s easy to do. After all, we have good reasons why we do what we do, and if others do it differently, they must be wrong, stupid, uneducated, etc.
Years ago, I heard someone say, “anyone that drives slower than me is a moron, and anyone that drives faster than me is an idiot”. I chuckled, but also recognized the lesson.
So what if I judge others? Well, if I do so and talk to others about it, i.e., gossip, I risk becoming an unsafe person. Often, when we talk about others negatively, we are trying to build up an army of people who agree with us, so we can feel bolstered/justified, etc. Problem is, I believe, people eventually realize that we would likely talk about them as well, and our desire to build up an army would boomerang. Have you ever spent time with others that negatively gossip? Felt safe with them? Not likely.
Okay, so what if I keep my thoughts to myself? Who would I harm? Well, you can do that if you’d like. However, here’s the drawback. When you judge others, you narrow the limits of your own behavior. For example, using the driving metaphor, if I judge someone as being an idiot – he or she just cut me off in traffic - I had better not make the same mistake or I’ll be an idiot. It puts me in the position of either needing to drive perfectly, or judging myself with the same shame-based thinking.
Now, sometimes people judge of others as a way to keep themselves in check. A rabid ex-smoker or dieter can be good examples. If I note how often you go out for a smoke, or judge you as having no will power and watch very morsel you eat, I remind myself that I need to maintain will power. Are there kinder, gentler ways of staying on track? Absolutely. Hypnosis, guided meditation, affirmations, altering your environment to make the process easier, and using social support, are some ways.
Here’s another suggestion to avoid judging others. Try to identify a reason the other person might act the way s/he does. You may or may not be right, but it will help you see things differently. And, I would suggest, they do have a reason why they are doing what they are, even if you don’t agree with it. After all, if you do things the way you do for a reason, so do they. And by giving them leeway, you give yourself a break.
Taking time to perceive another’s behavior with understanding and compassion is a way to be gentle with yourself. Try it and see.
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Thought for February
Prevention"
I can recall facilitating a chemical dependency group in which a recovering alcoholic decided she would take communion - which included drinking a small amount of wine - at her church. The group strongly suggested she avoid drinking the wine but that, if she did, she would best have a plan as well as support if she were triggered to continue drinking. The client adamantly stated it would not be a problem since she would be taking the blood of Christ, not drinking wine. Fortunately for her, she got through that experience unscathed. I stopped facilitating that group shortly after that and don’t know if she is still sober, but I sometimes wonder if she got into trouble later, based on her determination to deny potential problems.
In a situation like that, it is inappropriate for anyone to insist that a person not engage in a religious ritual of importance to him or her. One can strongly advise against it, and perhaps suggest alternatives, but if that person chooses to go ahead, it is his or her choice. However, we can suggest they have safeguards. This woman saw no need for safeguards, a “red flag” in my field.
Someone to me once said he used a car turn signal, not for the cars he could see, but for the ones he couldn’t. I thought that was a great metaphor for problem prevention.
Of course we can’t know all the problems that can occur at any moment, but we can safeguard ourselves from the obvious ones and do what we can to protect ourselves from the ones we don’t see. In this woman’s case, there was plenty of feedback from her peers that drinking the wine, even as part of communion, could be a hazard to her recovery. Given her choice to drink the wine, she would have been better off creating a safety plan to avoid continued drinking. Maybe she could have gone with another person who had long-term sobriety, called sober friends before and/or after the service, planned to attend an AA meeting, or some other safeguard.
Are you getting messages that a particular situation might be dangerous to you? Maybe you have a gut feeling, a friend’s feedback, or have had past experience. Depending on the perceived level of danger, you might or might not choose to go ahead with your plans. There is nothing wrong with taking a reasonable risk. It’s what keeps life interesting. If you know it is a life-threatening risk, I suggest reconsidering, but if you choose to move forward, regardless of the level of risk, consider what you need to do to stay as safe as possible. Identify the potential problems, and create a safety plan. Your success for that situation, and, perhaps, for your future well-being, could be impacted by the choices you make.
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Thought for March
Trust
One of the questions I hear is, “How do I know whom I can trust?” This question often comes from people who’ve been hurt and/or in relationships they thought were good at first but turned out otherwise. These can be business partnerships, friendships, and/or more intimate relationships.
So, here’s what I would say. Trust is something that takes time.
Okay…I know you know that. Please read on.
I have heard often that she or he was so helpful/gentle/doting/attentive (whatever) at first, and then s/he changed. Well, yes. Think about it. Do you behave the same way – in all ways - when you meet someone as you would after the relationship becomes more “settled”? I doubt it.
We all have surly mornings, withdrawn periods, needy phases, hyperactive moments – whatever - now and then. But usually our first connections are more socially appropriate. I think our initial presentations are unconscious. If we like someone – or want that person to like us - we behave more appropriately.
So, the way to develop trust in another person is to take time and observe. Most relationships become more “real” after 6 months to a year. Watch the other person interact with others. How she or he acts with others is a good indication of what to expect down the line. Then, of course, how that person acts with you is important, too.
Here are some ways I determine if someone is trustworthy:
1. Is that person’s behavior consistent? Do they do what they say they will do when they said they would do it most of the time? If they don’t, do they acknowledge the mistake and do what they can to correct it?
2. Does s/he avoid gossip? If they talk to you about someone else, they will likely talk to someone else about you.
3. Does that person take responsibility for his or her choices? If so, they avoid phrases like, “I had to…”, “They made me…”, “If only they…I wouldn’t have…”.
4. Does that person acknowledge mistakes, especially when you wouldn’t have known about them otherwise? I am less likely to trust people who only fess up when they’re “caught”, and more likely to trust those who tell me what they did before I found out.
Now, no one is perfect. I suggest looking for an overall pattern. Taking time to develop relationships gives you the opportunity to observe the other person, both in interactions with the world and with you. Do you feel respected? Important? Safe? Proud to be with that person? Or do you feel embarrassed by his/her behavior? Scared? Insecure? Confused?
If these are feelings unique to that relationship, I encourage you to pay attention to the cues you’re getting and explore them more fully. It might save your sanity and increase your chances for successful relationships.
More on this next month.
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Thought for April
Love and Partnership
Last month I addressed trust. If you are looking to establish a long-term partnership, be it romantic, business, or otherwise, here is something to consider
Look for the negative. Sounds crazy?
I once read (regarding marriage relationships) “keep your eyes wide open before marriage. After marriage, keep them half-shut.” The premise is that it would be best to know what you’re getting into before you do, and, afterward, if you’ve done a good job observing, you’ve made the decisions knowing and accepting the other person’s blemishes, so avoid focusing on them.
Here’s what I recommend if you are planning to make a long-term commitment to someone before you make that commitment. Take out a magnifying glass and look for the negative behaviors. When you find them, acknowledge and magnify them. Then decide if you can live with them.
Most people tend to explain them away or give the other person the benefit of the doubt. I suggest that is detrimental in the long run.
For example, if your partner-to-be has to have a drink every night, imagine that s/he can’t go to bed without a few in him/her. Can you live with that? Or what if s/he is a night owl while you have always been a morning person. Rather than hoping the other person will change, or trying to change them, imagine this is the way it will be – or that s/he will go to bed later, and you want to do so earlier, over time. Can you live with that?
The answer is up to you. It’s best to be honest with yourself. There is no wrong answer. What is not okay for one person might be just fine for you.
Now, the hard part occurs when you really think this person is right for you in so many ways but there’s one significant area that with which you can’t live. It’s okay to take time to decide that.
A close friend of mine was involved with a man who respected her, had similar intellectual and other interests, whom she found attractive, and with whom she enjoyed many recreational activities, laughter and serious conversations. However, although they were of a similar religious background, her religious participation was much more intense than his and the fact that he didn’t participate with her fervor was difficult for her to accept. She struggled with this for over a year, falling more in love with him, while recognizing that their differences would eventually tear them apart. They talked about this challenge at length, and both tried hard to find ways to resolve their differences, but it was not to be. For either to change a value they thought was important, would have destroyed their individual integrity. There were times when listening to her that I thought, “Can’t you live with his increased participation, even if it’s not to your level, since you love him so much?” But I also knew it had to be a decision only she could make.
Eventually, heartbroken, she broke off the relationship. As heartbroken as she was, she also expressed significant relief once it was over. So, I know, she made the right decision for her. Had she decided, after sincere thought and clear acceptance of their differences, that she could live with their differences, that would have been the right decision, too.
Sometimes it’s hard to make those decisions but, in the end, if you’ve done what is right for you, it will be well… in the long run.
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Thought for May
You are what you are
A woman moved into a new community. One day, when walking around the neighborhood, she met a farmer who had lived there all his life. She stopped for conversation, and eventually asked what the people in the neighborhood were like. “What were they like where you came from?” asked the farmer. She replied, “I loved my old neighborhood. People were friendly, they cooperated in community affairs, and we helped each other out when needed.” He said, “Well, you’ll pretty much find them the same here.” Delighted, the woman went home and, in time, realized the farmer had spoken the truth.
Shortly thereafter, another newcomer moved to town. Like the woman, he spent some time walking around the neighborhood, getting his bearings, when he came upon the same farmer. He stopped for conversation, and eventually asked the farmer what the people in the community were like. “What were the people like where you came from?” the farmer asked. The man replied, “Most everyone stayed to themselves and there was quite a bit of backbiting.” “Well, you’ll pretty much find them the same here,” said the farmer. Disappointed, the man returned home and, in time, realized the farmer had spoken the truth.
As you might have guessed, the moral of the story is that we bring ourselves wherever we go.
Sometimes a “geographic cure” (moving elsewhere to find happiness, or a better life) is appropriate and helpful. For example, sometimes it’s a matter of “fit”. If you grew up in an ethnically diverse environment, which you enjoyed, and have moved to a racist neighborhood, it might not be a good fit.
But, in cases when you expect the location to be the answer to your problems (e.g., moving to find a better crowd so you avoid getting into trouble or avoid ongoing depression) I would suggest you reconsider. I have known people who have moved to different locations and changed their lives. But they have done so by changing their own behaviors and perceptions along with the move.
If you move with the intent of “starting fresh”, without changing your own behaviors or attitudes, you will likely end up in the same situation, with the same type of people.
Bottom line, if you are looking to start fresh, you have to be the one to make the changes. Of course this is much more difficult, especially since it requires sustained effort, but in the long run, I believe, your situation will improve.
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Thought for June
Balance
Imagine: The doorbell rings and you open the front door. In front of you stands Ed McMahon holding a check for $1,000,000 from Publisher’s Clearinghouse. You blink a few times, and then realize it’s for real. You’ve won $1,000,000! Awesome, huh?
Now imagine you are homeless and living in a tent city. Although you’ve been a master chef for the last seven years, you recently lost your job due to the economic downturn. Awful, huh?
Given a choice, I’d pick scenario A over scenario B in a heartbeat. I suspect most of you would. Regardless, I believe there is both positive and negative in absolutely every situation.
It might not seem so at the outset. How could winning a million dollars be a problem? Well, for one, you might start wondering who your real friends are, since your friends are so attentive lately. And certainly the requests for donations seem to be more frequent. Or what if you’re unfamiliar with having that much money and don’t know how to budget, so you blow it all on a big house and have little left for that dream vacation? And, also, they said it was a million, but after taxes, it was a lot less than you expected.
Now, what could be good about living in a tent? It’s hot – or cold - you share a Port-O-Potty with thirty other people, and either cook on a “Bunsen Burner” outside your tent or get fed at the local shelter. It’s difficult to get a job because you can’t afford, and don’t have easy access to, a phone. What could possibly be good about that? Well, some possibilities include developing a support network among the members within the tent city, whom are likely in similar situations. And imagine the gratitude you’d have for any job, and the pride in being able to pay for your own groceries, something many of us take for granted. Plus, an apartment, where you’d “never” live before, becomes a luxury villa, with its private toilet and kitchen. Gratitude for the small things is the gift.
The above is one example of both sides of a coin. Here are some others. Being single can result in feelings of loneliness and freedom; being partnered could leave you feeling restricted and loved. Aging gives you both life experience and aching joints. Youth offers agility and anxiety. Being treated poorly leaves you angry and gives you compassion; being idolized can leave you feeling special and leaves a long way to fall when you become “passé”. I’m sure you can think of more examples.
If your goal is to grow your soul, I encourage you to consider as many sides to a situation as you can. A broader perspective offers greater tolerance, wisdom, and gratitude.
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Thought for July
“Shame on You”
Have you ever had that gut-wrenching feeling when you’ve made a mistake – that the whole world saw it and now knows what a jerk you are? Well, trust me, many people feel that way at times.
Although this is not always true, many of us that feel shame, often do so as a result of our upbringing. It might be the result of observing family members harshly judge others while within hearing range, of being directly and negatively judged, or by watching family members react with shame over their own mistakes.
It is also true that many of us who feel shame are much harder on ourselves than we are of others. If that is true for you, I have a suggestion. Next time you make a mistake, imagine if you saw someone else make the same mistake. How would you respond to that person? Would you dismiss him/her as an idiot, or would you give that person a break? If you would give that person a break, give yourself one as well. You are no better or worse than s/he.
However, if you dismiss that person as an idiot, I encourage you to challenge your thinking. Haven’t you ever done something about which, when you thought about it, you knew better than to do? I believe we have all done something like that. That is one of the qualities that make us human. We are sometimes preoccupied, overwhelmed, multitasking, etc. Now, you can say, “Get it together and focus”, or “Just do one thing at a time”, but, if you do, you miss the point. We ALL make mistakes. And clemency for others is clemency for yourself.
Shame is a statement of your worth as a person. Embarrassment and guilt are statements about your actions. I feel embarrassed or guilty because I did something I regret. It doesn’t mean I am an idiot or a bad person for engaging that behavior.
Welcome mistakes as simply mistakes.
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Thought for August
Resolving differences, part 1
In two successive recent months, I addressed relationship issues. In March, I suggested that, to determine if someone is trustworthy, watch to see if that person’s behavior is consistent, if s/he takes responsibility for his or her actions, avoids gossip and takes admits mistakes. In April, I suggested looking for the negative in another person’s behavior and deciding if you could live with it.
I feel compelled to add more on the issue of relationships, and will do so for a few more months.
Now, let’s say you and the person with whom you are making a commitment (as a business partner, friend, romantic partner, or something else) experience differences or disagreements (and, by the way, this will happen)? The next test for your relationship is – can you both work together to resolve these differences? This can be complicated.
First, and probably most important, resolving differences requires both parties to carefully listen to each other. This is also probably the most difficult thing to do. Often, when we hear someone say something in direct contrast to what we want/need, or by which we feel threatened, either interrupt the other person when s/he is speaking or tune the other person out. This is often done to squelch the other person’s thought process, to make sure the other person doesn’t think we’re agreeing with them, and to make our needs known.
There are two problems with that. First, the other person will likely feel unheard and then probably interrupt you out of frustration and anger. Second, if one or both parties don’t listen, the real issues don’t get resolved because you don’t really know what the real issues are. A colleague of mine created a brilliant intervention in the groups he ran, asking one member to count from 1 - 10 while someone else spoke. When asked to relate what the second person said, the first person was unable to accurately reflect it back.
So, a great tool is for one person to speak at a time – I encourage clients to use a “talking stick” of some sort (a pen, for example), so that the person with the stick speaks – and when the first person (I’ll make it a “he”) is done, the second (“she”) reflects back what he said in her own words. If she gets a “yes” - meaning she is reflecting it accurately – it is her turn to speak, after which he must accurately reflect back what he heard before speaking his thoughts. If the listening person does not accurately reflect back what was heard, the speaker repeats or rephrases it until that happens.
There are other issues that make resolving differences successful, and I will address them in subsequent thoughts. Stay tuned.
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Thought for September
Resolving differences, part 2
Last month I described a communication tool that involves using a “talking stick”. Today I’ll address other issues regarding conflict resolution. Here we go…
If you use the talking stick and still seem unable to resolve the issue, what next? Sometimes two people simply can’t come to an agreement, and neither party is wrong. For example, “When you’re late, I get anxious and feel frustrated that we have to rush. I need you to be on time for things”, vs. “I think being ten or fifteen minutes late is within reason, and having to watch the clock so closely makes me anxious.” In cases like that, it could be, and often is, enough to be heard. Just having the discussion might be enough to allow both parties to soften their positions enough to co-exist.
But, sometimes, when both parties disagree, in an attempt to get the other person to move toward our position, we might sustain the “discussion” because we fear we are not getting our way. This is detrimental because the conversation could become heated and more polarized. One way to know the discussion is moving beyond the constructive phase is if you notice one or both of you begin repeating yourselves. Once you recognize that, it’s important to end the discussion – with an agreed time to get together when things have cooled down and resume talking - or to begin identifying solutions. If you decide to end the conversation, one or both of you will likely remain angry for a while. That’s okay. Anger doesn’t go away right away.
If a clear decision of minor importance needs to be made (major decisions to be discussed in future “thoughts”) – for example, whether to eat Chinese or Italian - there are a few ways to resolve these. Here they are:
1. One is arbitrary - for example, flipping a coin; or putting solutions on pieces of paper, folding them, and picking one.
2. Ask a neutral third party to decide for you. For example, ask your guests - if you have guests - what they want for dinner (this is similar to flipping a coin).
3. We’ll do it your way this time, and mine the next.
4. Or, I get my way in this issue, and you get yours in another. For example, we’ll do the dinner I wanted, and the movie that you wanted.
To be continued…
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Thought for October
Resolving Differences, Part 3
Last time, I addressed resolving differences of minor importance. Today I will address resolving issues of major importance. For example, what if we need to move but you want to live in Texas and I want to live in Michigan? I will start by saying this is difficult to address, since there are many nuances in resolving these types of discussions, and my suggestions will likely be too simple, but it will give you a basic starting guideline.
First, it is best to return to the talking stick (see Thought for August: http://tranceformative.com/monthlythoughtsarchives/2009tips.html). Since this is an important issue, this tool will help both parties remain calm and listen to one another.
Second, begin, while using the talking stick, by airing concerns and preferences and, perhaps, writing them down if there are many. It is best for each party to be heard.
Then, taking one issue at a time, begin problem solving. Brainstorming sessions might be helpful in this context. Brainstorming is just that – throwing out whatever crosses your brain as a possible solution. It doesn’t have to be a good idea, or even realistic, just an idea. Sometimes even the most bizarre ideas trigger more realistic results. And it’s important to throw out possibilities for both sides of the coin. For example, I need to suggest possibilities to help both of us come to resolution, not just ideas to help you come to my resolution!
As an aside, most people, when brainstorming, hear a suggestion they know won’t work for them. They usually stop the conversation to argue why that’s the case. I recommend you simply write down the ideas, and revisit them one at a time to decide if they are appropriate, need more research, or are acceptable.
As I just suggested, sometimes things can’t be resolved because more research is needed. For example, can we afford the housing prices in a particular area, and will any job(s) acquired cover the cost of living? Where would we have to live if we moved there? Will the other person be able to find work in his or her field? If you need to, take a break, do the research, come back to the table with the new information, and then continue the discussion.
Sometimes people come to an impasse. A good question to ask is, “Can you live with the other person’s decision?” If the answer is, “I won’t like it, but yes, I can live with it”, it might be the right choice for this moment. Sometimes people decide to do something unpleasant for a while, knowing the situation can change after a period of time: “I don’t like it, but yes I can live with it as long as I know it’s time limited.” If neither party can live with the other alternative, it might be best to see if there is a third possibility that might be more neutral to both.
By exploring all the options, sometimes it becomes clear that the best decision is, for now, the least-worst decision.
Most important, throughout this whole process, is to maintain a solution-focused attitude. This will most help you come to a mutually satisfactory decision.
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Thought for November
Procrastination
Many of us have tasks we just don’t want to do. There are some things we enjoy, and are better at than others, and need no motivation to get started. I like those.
Then there are the rest of the tasks.
I’m one of those people who generally gets things done, but there are times when I would rather avoid an obligation. For example, I do alcohol and drug evaluations that, at times, require two to three page written reports. Sometimes I’m “on”. I know just what to write, and the diagnosis and recommendations are clear. More often, however, all I have in my head is the “data”, with no clear idea of how to put it together or what recommendation I would make. The following are some of the tools I use to move forward.
First, I put down my thoughts and data on paper – well, actually, the computer, so it’s easier to edit – in some kind of rough order. They are often half sentences, lacking grammar, and spelling is irrelevant I start with the first piece of information, and then add the second, then the third, and so on, in the order I think best, so it looks like a list of facts. Usually, as I’m recording the data, ideas come to me about a diagnosis, recommendation, or other questions I need to ask. If I need to gather more information, I do so.
After the basics are down, I rearrange them to make a coherent story, and then tidy it up (check the grammar, determine if my suggestion makes sense, identify if I have enough information to justify my observations, etc.) before sending it out. Things are much easier after just getting started.
In general, sometimes I’ve gotten stuck because I think the chore needs to be completed if it’s started. There are two consequences resulting from that thinking – I have a hard time getting started (I just addressed that), and my crush to get something finished in one fell swoop results in inadequate work.
I have since found that doing something a little at a time gets things done and with minimal stress.
For example: I studied for my licensing exam during the summer a few years ago. During that time, we had several cords (actually, I’m not sure of the amount – it was a lot!) of wood delivered to our house and dumped in the driveway. The stack stood about 8 feet tall, about 10 feet in diameter, and needed to be stacked on the side of the driveway to have complete access to the garage. Since I was working part-time at the time, I offered to be the one who did the stacking, despite it being a chore I didn’t enjoy. (I’m someone who likes immediate and dramatic results for concrete tasks, like pulling the leaves out of the drain gutter when it rains – the water pours out immediately. Yeah!), and this situation wouldn’t offer that. Well, I studied, and took five to ten minute breaks when I couldn’t retain any more information, stacking about 4 baskets of wood per break. It took a few days before I even noticed the pile going down – not very rewarding for my need for immediate gratification - but in two weeks the pile was gone, and in a relatively painless manner. In fact, it created a great distraction from studying when I started feeling overwhelmed So, the bottom line – doing things a little at a time eventually gets things done.
Hopefully these tools are helpful. If your problem is more chronic, there might be other underlying reasons completing tasks is difficult. Seeing a therapist might help identify the causes, and help you work through the blocks.
Okay, go out there and get ‘er done!
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Thought for December
Success
“Results! Why, man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work.” ~ Thomas A. Edison
“Success comes in cans, not cant's.” ~Author Unknown
It’s easy to look at someone successful – actors, musicians, wealthy neighbors, world leaders – and think that his or her road to success has been greased-easy, gifted with a silver spoon, luck, and knowing the right people. In some cases, that is true. More often, however, the road to riches involves many roadblocks and humble beginnings. J. K. Rowling, for example, famous for her Harry Potter books, had her work rejected about a dozen times before being discovered by a small publishing company. All while working full-time and raising a child as a single parent. And I’m sure you know famous bands that started in garages, playing for their friends, and local bars, getting gigs wherever and whenever they could. Rarely do bands “burst” onto the international scene. It’s usually a slow crawl until they get noticed. I think our fascination with celebrity humanness (domestic violence, alcoholism, etc.), is knowing that others, who appear to be gifted with “luck”, struggle like the rest of us.
I remember someone telling me he thought that obtaining my license was easy. What he didn’t know is that it took over 1 ½ years, having my application initially rejected because I didn’t have the right degree, countless hours on hold with the department of education, bi-weekly phone calls for follow up, seeking school documents that were over 20 years old, finding people/references that had moved on or retired, pursing academic letters from people who didn’t know me, and more.
I suspect most everyone reading this has experienced similar struggles in accomplishing that which was important, and most people who have accomplished things have done so by hard work, persistence, and a little bit of luck.
Now if you decide something is too much work to pursue, that’s fine. Just know that your level of success will be limited. That’s not a bad thing – in some ways, for many, it brings an easier lifestyle.
But, if you want something badly enough and that goal is realistic, persistence is crucial. Hitting a roadblock is simply a hurdle, not a brick wall.
I will finish with a quotation from Albert Einstein: “Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.” I have found that success is often achieved when one is behaving with ethical integrity, one accomplishment at a time, rather than seeking the golden ring.
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